I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
