the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
