I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
