Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
