so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
