it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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