I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
