i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
