atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this just has baby written all over it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
