absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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