You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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