i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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