If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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