dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
