i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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