My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
