My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sext me about skeletons
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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