She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
