When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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