I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
