There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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