; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
