mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
