Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
