Porn is love you can see.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
