chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
high people should be assigned attendants
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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