yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize