508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
