This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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