While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
