Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
