I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
