I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
