I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
