uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i have two assholes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
