just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
