OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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