i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
