On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
