I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
