so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
