The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
