My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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