I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
