So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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