I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
