the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
