I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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