I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
