he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
