Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i will never coherently bang her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
