Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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