Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
