I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
