Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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