Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just had sex on a roof
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
