What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
