I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
