its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
