oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
