I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
