There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
