Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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