oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
