So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
