btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
