I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
