ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
