After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
