Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
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