fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
