Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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